Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Had my first prenatal visit today, which was not actually an official prenatal visit but rather a "pregnancy confirmation" visit. To make sure I'm not just really mistaken, I guess. I've only gained 4 pounds, which I found surprising. I feel like I've gained about 10.

I was happy to get a midwife instead of a physician, but I think she was a certified nurse-midwife. At any rate, while she was very thorough and competent and all that, I felt like there was a bit of a power struggle there. I felt like she was trying to out-expert me, when I wasn't even aware we were racing, if you know what I mean. It was a really different vibe there than at the place I went for my last pregnancy, which I felt was very empowering. (If you think that's too flaky a thing to say, then you haven't been in an office where they treat you like egg-laying chicken #568d.)

Anyway, she tried to convince me to switch to skim milk, and finally said we'd watch my weight to see how it went (alarm #1--not encouraging me to trust my own body, and also focusing on food restriction). Then, knowing full well that I'm a psychologist, she gave me a list of serotonin -increasing items--I wondered if it was going to be a list of some kind of herbs or supplements or something--that consisted of things like "sunshine, sex, chocolate, exercise." Um, I already know quite well how to suck eggs here, lady. I only mentioned that I get prenatal depression to give you an accurate clinical picture, not because I had absolutely no idea that laughter and prayer improve one's mood. And then there was the thing about fish and the thing about the due date...sigh. Basically, she was correcting me about things that were ambiguous and ignoring things she didn't understand, giving me the impression of someone who really wanted to make sure I believed her version of my pregnancy by barraging me with facts, or at least factoids.

Anyway, I got a much more interventionist kind of feeling than from my previous place, where I think I had a plain ol' midwife, not a nurse-midwife. There's a difference.

I'm also 41 this time instead of 38, which will probably trigger all kinds of anxieties in health care practitioners. ("Liability!" "Gestational diabetes!" "Down's Syndrome!")

I wonder who these Amish women around here use? Probably other Amish women who are midwives. Huh.

Anyway, I'm trying to get in touch with the local Bradley instructors. Maybe they'll have some ideas.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Huh. Interesting. 8 Weeks or So. Maybe 9. Depending.

I had been feeling somewhat icky last week, culminating in feeling quite awful Monday such that I was soddenly depressed, nauseated, and exhausted (slept three hours).  I kept having a sneaking suspicion that this was not so much to do with pregnancy, but that I was simply depressed because I have little structure to my days, have completed my main goals for the past 15 years with no new ones, and have no friends in this town yet.  Depression is so hard to figure out sometimes, because it's often so physically expressed.
However, the following day (yesterday), I awoke feeling much better.  After dropping off Limelet, I tidied up the living room and did a few other things, errands and so forth, that I simply couldn't do the day before.  By afternoon, what I noticed was that my belly was noticeably larger.  Like, overnight.  It wasn't just me thinking that, either.  TheLimey came home and was somewhat shocked by my transition from looking a bit stout about the waist to looking overtly pregnant.  "Wow!  You really are pregnant."  Uh, yeah.  (The thought of twins briefly crossed both our minds.)
I totally forgot that last time, during growth spurts (whether the baby itself or the support systems)--who knows, I would feel really horrible for a day, a few days, a week--and then there'd be this jump in size.  This was probably the biggest jump I've seen, probably because it went from smallish to begin with.  (Once I'm already big, the jump would have to be huge to be as noticeable.)  It makes me feel a lot better to recognize that the mood stuff is largely hormonal, and is accomplishing something.  Next time I hope I can recognize it and give myself permission to take the day "off" as it were, so I don't add so much guilt to the pile of crappy feeling.
I don't have the constant peeing like last time, although I do awake in the middle of the night needing to go.  But last time the peeing started before I even knew I was pregnant.  I'm a little more thirsty, but not as much as last time.  Yet.  The blood volume increase should probably start soon.  Oh, and then I'll probably be tired all the time for a while, because it takes a while for your iron to catch up with your new blood volume.
I've told TheLimey that I believe this one is a boy, too.  I started having that feeling around the same time with Limelet.  I don't know if I'll try to not find out this time.  I was really intent on not finding out last time, but don't care as much this time.  However, I still kind of want to not tell others, for some reason.  Maybe to avoid getting football-versus-princess-themed comments or gifts.  (Not that I need any gifts.)

Monday, July 13, 2009

Generally. (Week 7 or 9 Depending)

That is, depending whether one counts accurately or in that estimatey way that annoys me unreasonably.
Still not feeling as bad as last time.  Not nearly.  I'm certain this is at least partly because I weigh more this time.  Also contributing may be the fact that I'm not struggling to work my behind off through the pregnancy tiredness as I had to last time.  I am still tired most of the time and have near-nausea at times, though so far the high-protein thing seems to stave off anything more serious. 
The weirdest things seem to trigger my almost-nausea: for example, the smell of baking bread (which normally is one of my favorite smells), even though diesel and latex paint still smell nice to me.  Being on the computer, watching a video, or reading are also somewhat nauseous for me.
I do crave lime pickle again (Mother's brand), which is terrible because I can't find a source here.  So far.  May have to find it online or something.
I'm at that stage where I just look fat and blobby around the middle, rather than pregnant.  Wearing a maternity top does make me look slimmer and more pregnant, however.  But my old ones are packed away, of course, never to be used again.  Sniff.
I definitely get depressed from being pregnant, although it's often hard to sort that out from various life events. But it's a sort of sodden and miserably unmotivated feeling.  It's more intense when the nausea is higher.  Also, I used to get depressed on the pill (the first one I took), suggesting to me that a lot of it is in fact hormonal.
Must get going on signing up for birth classes, finding a midwife, etc.  Bleh.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

It's Never The Same: 5 Weeks

I'm having a very different experience this time, as I may have already mentioned.
For one thing, last time I suddenly became ravenous pretty much as soon as that little zygote implanted, even before I knew.  And I craved meat particularly.  This time, I'm only just now getting around to feeling a bit more hungry than usual, and I'm five weeks along.  (Or, if I'm forced to use the eye-rollingly inaccurate method of counting from last menstrual period, when no fertilization had even taken place yet, I'm 7 weeks along.)  I think this is because I'm about 20 pounds heavier than I was then, and my body knew it had to make up extra weight quick in order to support another life than my own.  I am, however, starting to wake up sharply hungry at 3 or 4 am.  I'm going to start keeping some string cheese and V8 by the bed each night, as that helped last time.
I'm also not feeling miserably ill like last time.  I have had one bout of headachey nausea (it feels like a hangover or migraine).  I have been working on getting protein regularly throughout the day, and if I start feeling queasy in the slightest, as that's supposed to work a lot better than starches or sugars.  So far it has, unless I'm just not so sick this time, or just haven't gotten to it yet.  I am hoping that the hi-pro diet can stave it off entirely, as I just don't like being debilitated.