You Think *You're* Sick of Work...
I have come to the conclusion that I am sick of work. Literally.
I was sort of thinking something along the lines of "if I could control this nausea and barfing, I could get back to my previously scheduled activities." But when I stepped back and stopped taking a symptomatic focus, I realized that the nausea is just the sharp tip of the whole exhaustion iceberg.
I realized that my weekly pattern has been that I drag myself to work (and do a substandard job because I'm so drained) on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Then by Thursday morning I'm so exhausted that I go home in the afternoon and fall into a dead sleep that more or less lasts until Sunday. It takes me that long to recover. And the more exhausted I am by Thursday, the more nausea I experience during that recuperation time.
So this week I tried cutting out my clinical work (about 16 hours), and it's helped a great deal. I still don't feel perfect, but I've been able to eat every day and not throw up.
I think that it's not only the 16 hours of time (though that's considerable), but also the type of work I do clinically. This experience is making it quite clear to me that emotional work takes more energy than any other kind of work. By that I mean dealing with anyone's emotions, whether mine or others'. (Like when you feel whipped after talking to a complainer on the phone.)
I can't pull back that emotional involvement aspect and still do good clinical work (and there's the sheer time spent overall as well), so I think I will be withdrawing from clinical work for a few weeks.
Teaching is not as hard; I'll likely keep doing that. While it's great and energizing to bring that kind of emotional work to the classroom, I can still give a reasonably decent class without being a group therapist. (And no one is likely to go home and kill themselves if I make a mistake in class, unlike the kinds of risks possible in doing bad therapy.) Also, teaching is about 2.5 hours face time twice a week, as opposed to 16 hours at the clinic over three days.
I was sort of thinking something along the lines of "if I could control this nausea and barfing, I could get back to my previously scheduled activities." But when I stepped back and stopped taking a symptomatic focus, I realized that the nausea is just the sharp tip of the whole exhaustion iceberg.
I realized that my weekly pattern has been that I drag myself to work (and do a substandard job because I'm so drained) on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Then by Thursday morning I'm so exhausted that I go home in the afternoon and fall into a dead sleep that more or less lasts until Sunday. It takes me that long to recover. And the more exhausted I am by Thursday, the more nausea I experience during that recuperation time.
So this week I tried cutting out my clinical work (about 16 hours), and it's helped a great deal. I still don't feel perfect, but I've been able to eat every day and not throw up.
I think that it's not only the 16 hours of time (though that's considerable), but also the type of work I do clinically. This experience is making it quite clear to me that emotional work takes more energy than any other kind of work. By that I mean dealing with anyone's emotions, whether mine or others'. (Like when you feel whipped after talking to a complainer on the phone.)
I can't pull back that emotional involvement aspect and still do good clinical work (and there's the sheer time spent overall as well), so I think I will be withdrawing from clinical work for a few weeks.
Teaching is not as hard; I'll likely keep doing that. While it's great and energizing to bring that kind of emotional work to the classroom, I can still give a reasonably decent class without being a group therapist. (And no one is likely to go home and kill themselves if I make a mistake in class, unlike the kinds of risks possible in doing bad therapy.) Also, teaching is about 2.5 hours face time twice a week, as opposed to 16 hours at the clinic over three days.
posted by liz at
7:13 PM
1 Comments:
Boy, some people will do _anything_ to get out of work.
Seriously, I'm glad you're cutting back! You needed it before this, but especially [expecially] now.
By
argotnaut, at 1:36 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home