Just my imagination, running away with me...

...is what I don't think anymore.

Althought we've been trying for about 5 months, we were both quite surprised that this worked. This may seem unreasonable. However, we're both nearly forty, and we both have a number of friends and acquaintances who recently had babies--but with fertility treatments and trying for a couple years at least. I guess we were viewing that as the modal experience in our group, and this seemed far too easy. It should take at least another year!

I was in particular surprised that it was during last month's "window" (of opportunity), as I was sick and tired that week and did not insist on "trying" on several days as usual (to enhance the possibility), and really was just waiting for the next month to roll around so we could start trying again.

But if I had been looking for it, I might have been quicker to pick up on what was going on!

Phenomena that do seem to be related (some began at implantation, even before I suspected):

1) Food cravings. Meat (sorry Argot), especially crispy, smoky, grill-y smelling meat. (Soy sausages also worked, to some extent, but not like beef.) I started thinking about it nearly every day, which is unusual for me, as a meat reductionist. I even mentioned to TheLimey that it was odd how I kept wanting meat lately!

Also lime pickle. This, if you don't know, is an Indian fermented relish sort of stuff that is made of limes, chili peppers, salt, and coriander. It is the sourest, hottest, saltiest thing you can imagine. TheLimey cautiously introduced me to it a few months ago, thinking I might like the merest swipe of it on some naan bread. However, it turns out that I prefer to eat it with...a spoon. The tender, succulent little lime-peel-bodies, parting between my teeth in their saltiferous sauce...I'm making my mouth water thinking about it.

So, yes, about the same time as the meat cravings, I was driving home in the dark and saw a little strip-mall shop called "India Hut" and suddenly thought of lime pickle. I made a screeching U-turn (not really, but mentally I did) and went in to purchase two bottles of it. The next day I ate about a third of one of the bottles, just straight out of the bottle with a fork. Now, this is the culinary equivalent of, say, drinking a bottle of Tabasco sauce. But it's so delicious...

However, I can now definitively tell you that it's not a good idea to eat a third of a bottle of lime pickle at once, digestively speaking.

Craving food in general: I do seem to want to eat everything. All at once.
Yep, gimme one everything, with everything, please! It's dangerous to go in the grocery store, because I can't stop myself from grabbing things off the shelf; things I don't normally even look twice at or even once. (Canned chicken teriyaki for Pete's sake?)

2) Reactivity. I have been kind of wired. Lots of sympathetic nervous system activity. I find that I am going to have to take extra care with my activities and environment, because I have increased responses to stimuli. I see a car approaching my intersection from a quarter mile away, and want to swerve the wheel. A small noise startles me and makes me about hit the roof. I get upset with the parking lot card-swiper, and feel completely enraged. I think the word that best describes my reactive mood would be feral.

I also have been experiencing the shakes in the mornings, especially if I don't eat immediately. (Usually it takes until about 11 or 12 before that would happen.)

3) Sleepiness. This is so hard to parse apart from the tiredness I experience just getting through this academic stuff and interviews, but it seems somewhat more drastic now. If I'm tired, I can't make myself stay awake. Not that I could before, but anyway...

4) Constant peeing. I was the peeingest gal (or guy for that matter) at the V.A.'s open house interviews. I thought I was just being less controlled than the others. There's also some constipation, which I tell you I am not used to at all-- so I have really been looking forward to it. (Joking!)


.....

A friend mentioned that this must be another piece of stress on top of what was almost unbearable stress already, but it actually has seemed to reduce my stress somewhat. This seems mainly related to the idea that now I have a Top Priority and my choices are actually reduced. It's like being in a toothpaste aisle that has 1,000 toothpastes versus one that has a dozen. Also, I have no choice now but to take care of myself better, which in itself includes doing things in a less stressed-out way.